


The Ultimate Commitment

by labct1



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: ., Lambski, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-05
Updated: 2011-07-05
Packaged: 2017-10-21 01:46:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/219529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/labct1/pseuds/labct1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A romantic story about what Sauli considers the ultimate commitment and how Adam finally shows it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Ultimate Commitment

Adam throws his keys on the kitchen table before heading upstairs. It's the third night in a row he's home late - really late. Sauli's always understanding when it happens, and tonight was no exception, but it doesn't stop the guilt he feels for missing their dinner date or leaving him home alone. Not that the last part is his fault. Sauli's gone to a couple of studio sessions, and although it sounds fascinating, it can be tedious to someone who isn't in the music business. When Sauli said he'd rather not accompany him, mumbling something about not wanting to interfere with work, Adam didn't press the issue even though he loves having him in the studio with him.

He runs his hands through his hair when he hits the top step. Another two nights of studio time before he's free. He's not feeling optimistic about getting home early those nights either. He should plan something special for Sauli for his first night off - a romantic dinner or maybe they could take a couple days and head to Mexico.

He frowns at the sight of the empty bed. Where could he be at two am? He decides to strip off his jacket and take off his boots and socks before searching for him. He'd kill for a hot shower and a glass of wine. Hopefully he can convince Sauli to join him for both.

"Sauli," he yells through the house.

He probably fell asleep on the couch while watching TV. It wouldn't be the first time Adam's found him there. Sauli's usually curled up in a ball with a blanket over him and Adam wakes him up with a kiss. Sauli blinks his eyes open and Adam would sit there enjoying the transformation from confusion to happiness when those baby blues finally focus and see Adam. That would be a really nice way to end a long, hard night.

Except he's not on the couch either. Nor is he in the bathroom. He doesn't find him until he steps into the kitchen and a movement in the back yard catches his attention.

And he forgets to breathe.

He watches the play of the moonlight on Sauli's naked arms and back before he moves into a handstand, so graceful and confident, and all Adam can think is that he's art in motion. He arches his back and moves his legs over his head, the muscles in his arms straining to keep him up.

Adam fights the urge to walk over and take him, right there on the ground. Instead he stands there and marvels at the beauty of his boyfriend. He wishes someone would paint Sauli like this. He's stunning. Adam sighs and whispers into the empty room "and all mine."

There are times he wonders how he lucked out - finding Sauli in a bar, the one night he was there. When they talk about it, Sauli gives him a shy look and says "we were meant to be."

He slips out the door when Sauli stands back up. The simple act of walking towards him, knowing he will touch him soon, has his blood racing. Eventually he'll get used to the fact that he can kiss him whenever he wants. Or smile with him. Sooner or later, he won't feel that rush of excitement when their eyes first meet. He's been in love before. He knows how it works. But until that happens, which will hopefully be later, he's going to enjoy this honeymoon period.

Because it's wonderful. It's cliché and silly but before Sauli came into his life, he was a body going through the motions. Now he lives.

Before he reaches him, Sauli turns around. It takes a second or two before the recognition registers on his face. And it takes less than that for both of them to smile at each other.

"You're home." It's the joy he hears in Sauli's voice, the sparkling of his eyes, that has him nodding instead of answering.

Will he ever get used to the way Sauli looks at him? Everything he feels for Adam is there for everyone to see. He never tries to hide how much he loves him. It's humbling and scary because he's sure his face shows the same thing when he looks at Sauli.

He's always worn his heart on his sleeve. He doesn't know any other way to live except all out. But it leaves him vulnerable - open to a pain unlike anything he's known before if this doesn't work. Then Sauli smiles at him and every doubt or worry he has flies from his mind as quickly as it entered.

Because it's clear he's not alone in this.

He takes Sauli's face in his hands and kisses him. Slowly, deeply - allowing every emotion he's feeling to show.

"What was that for?" Sauli's eyes are still closed, his tongue licking his lips.

"Do I need a reason other than I love you?" He pulls Sauli in close to give him a quick hug.

"Never." Sauli steps back and grabs Adam's hand. "I was just about to go inside. I figured you might be hungry when you got back so I packed a little snack. I thought we could have a picnic."

Adam laughs. "In the middle of the night?"

"Yes. You were working hard. I thought you might like to relax when you got home. I brought out some wine too."

Sauli opens the bottle and pours them each a glass.

Adam takes a sip and looks at the table adorned with a single rose, two candles, two place settings and a picnic basket. The warm glow from the candles create a cozy and romantic atmosphere.

"What did you pack?"

"Let's see." Sauli starts taking things out. "There's some fruit, cheese and crackers, chicken I grilled earlier and salad."

He holds a chair for Adam before taking the seat next to him. Sauli has a way of making Adam feel like he's the belle of the ball.

The way Sauli snuggles up to him, the happiness when he comes home, the little things he does always give Adam a little jolt. It's been a long time since someone's wanted to take care of him, done nice things for him. It makes him feel cherished. And loved.

"What's that smile for?" Sauli asks when he turns to put Adam's plate down after filling it up with goodies. "I gave you a little of everything."

Adam leans over and kisses him again. "You make me feel special," he simply says.

"You are special."

"Nah. I'm just Adam." He shrugs his shoulders and takes a bite of the salad. He didn't realize how hungry he was until he saw the plate in front of him.

His head turns when Sauli pulls on his chin until blue eyes meet blue eyes. "You're not just Adam. You're the most amazing man I know. When I tell you you're special, you need to believe it."

Sauli's not smiling or teasing. He's dead serious. Adam swallows and nods his head.

"Okay."

"Good, now eat."

"What did you do tonight?" Adam asks. "This chicken is delicious."

"Thanks," Sauli's voice has a tinge of pride in it. "I tried a new seasoning. I just hung out. Talked to my sisters. Watched TV."

"How is everyone?" Adam asks. He hasn't met them yet but he's talked to them on the phone and feels like he knows them from the stories Sauli's told.

"They're good. Everyone says hi."

Adam grabs some more salad, deciding to throw the chicken in with it. He puts some more on Sauli's plate when he holds it out for Adam.

"My session went really well. Maybe I can play you the song tomorrow."

"I'd like that," Sauli answers softly.

Sauli never asks about his songs, instead letting Adam volunteer what he wants to share. He doesn’t plead with Adam to sing to him but Adam does it anyway for no other reason than he wants to. Not because his boyfriend begs him to. Just another reason why he loves Sauli so much.

"Hmmm this is really good."

Sauli laughs. "So you've said." He fills their glasses again while Adam finishes off his food. "Do you want more?"

"No I'm good," Adam answer. "Thanks babe. This was a wonderful surprise."

"You're welcome," Sauli says with a smile.

Adam turns in his chair and lays his arm across Sauli's shoulders, his fingers tracing the tattoo on his neck. Even though he can't see it, he knows it by heart - the shape of the wings, the little stars underneath. It's one of his favorite things to suck and lick on Sauli's body.

"I was going to take a shower but I'm thinking we should go swimming instead."

He leans forward and breathes in Sauli's scent - a combination of body wash and after shave.

"You showered earlier," he mumbles against his jaw.

"Yeah," Sauli sighs. His hand threads through Adam's hair, his fingers massaging his scalp.

Adam's fingers play with the waist band of the shorts Sauli's wearing. "Come swimming with me," he whispers in Sauli's ear.

Sauli laughs. "You know that's not fair. You can make me do anything when you talk to me like that."

Adam lifts his head and smiles. "I do have my ways." He waggles his eyebrows.

"Yes you do. Okay, I'll go swimming."

They pack up the leftover food and put it back in the basket, along with the plates. Sauli blows out the candles before he heads over to the pool to dive in.

"What are you doing?" Sauli sputters when he comes up for air and sees Adam stripping by the side of the pool.

"It's called skinny dipping. Swimming without clothes. I'm sure you've heard of it." Adam already has his shirt off and in one motion he yanks his pants off. There's something about letting the air reach all the places on his body that sets him free.

He jumps in the water, shaking his head like a dog when he surfaces. One drawback to having a head full of hair. It always get plastered to your face when you get wet.

He floats on his back and stares at the stars.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Sauli asks. Adam looks over at the body floating next to him.

"I think you should take off your trunks."

Sauli laughs but he goes under the water. He flings his shorts towards the patio when he comes up for air.

"There," Sauli laughs, standing in the shallower end.

Adam swims over to him and Sauli immediately wraps his legs around Adam's waist, his arms around his neck. This is so much better than swimming alone, or looking up at the stars.

Sauli in his arms, however he can have him there, is what gives his life meaning.

They stare at each other while Adam's hands stroking Sauli's back - Sauli's hands stroking Adam's shoulders. Their look turns from playful to serious. Their souls sharing an intimate moment as their eyes speak of promises and love. Their heads move at the same time. The need to feel each others lips too strong to stop. It starts slow until Sauli's hands grip his hair to pull Adam in closer. Then it turns wild - too much teeth and tongue - but it fires his blood like a match to gasoline.

Kissing Sauli turns Adam on faster than anything. It's like there's an ignition switch that only Sauli has the ability to turn. It's the way Sauli's tongue feels sliding over his own, on his lips, against his teeth. It's the feel of Sauli's fingertips coasting over his skin and how he sometimes pulls on his hair as if demanding Adam take over. It's the sounds Sauli makes - the growls and moans, the sighs and gasps for breaths. The impatient hum from his throat when he starts to lose control.

It's knowing Sauli gets as much out of their kisses as Adam does.

Adam gentles it before he pulls back. And just because Sauli's bottom lip is wet he decides to gently nibble on it before tucking his face into Sauli's neck and pulling him close.

He loves him. Not in the superficial, fleeting way. But in the deep down to his soul way.

"I've had a fantasy about this pool ever since I first saw it," Sauli says in the dark, bringing Adam's mind back to the present.

"Oh yeah. What is it?"

"The ledge that divides the pool. I'm leaning over it while you fuck me."

Adam runs his tongue along his neck, his nose wrinkling at the taste of chlorine.

"Hmmmm. Sounds nice but I didn't bring any condoms."

He could picture it too. The moonlight on the long length of Sauli's back. His moans filling the night air. The splash from the water as Adam drives into him.

"We could skip the condoms."

Five words that stop his heart. He quits moving. Instead standing perfectly still, his open mouth against Sauli's neck. He can feel Sauli's pulse speed up slightly, the only hint of his nervousness.

He has no idea what to say. It's not like they haven't discussed it. Hell, they even went to get tested together last month so they'd be ready - when and if they got to that point. And it's not like he doesn't love Sauli, because he does more than anyone ever.

But it's a huge step. Bigger than a step actually. More like a giant leap of faith.

Sauli's never barebacked with anyone and the one person Adam ever trusted to do it with ended up cheating on him and Adam spent the next few months in a panic over every test. Sauli knows this which is why it's weird he would bring it up in a spur of the moment way.

"Or not," Sauli's voice breaks the silence a few minutes later. Adam can tell he's trying for non-chalance but he recognizes the hurt in his voice.

"Sauli," he says hoarsely, not quite sure how to begin.

"It's okay Adam. Really." The way Sauli stresses the word and the way he scrambles out of Adam's grasp tells him it's really not okay.

This is not like him. When Sauli gets upset over something he tells Adam, making sure there isn't any lingering hurt for the next fight they have. So this blowing it off like it's no big deal, makes it a big deal.

He makes it to Sauli before he can slip out of the pool. He turns him and pins him against the wall so he can't get out.

"You took me by surprise," he confesses. He watches the way Sauli stares at his throat, refusing to look up. Something else that is not like him at all. "Why can't you look at me?"

He still doesn't look up but he lays his head on Adam's chest and wraps his arms around his waist.

"It just slipped out," Sauli explains and Adam knows he's trying to make it seem like nothing when it's everything.

"But you've been thinking about it haven't you?" Adam strokes his back while asking the question. Trying to convey to Sauli that it's okay to tell the truth.

There's been a few times recently when they've been in the middle of sex that he got the feeling Sauli wanted something but was too afraid to voice it. Then Adam would get distracted - which is ridiculously easy to do when Sauli's naked in his arms - and he forgets to ask him about it.

But now it all makes sense.

"Maybe," Sauli answers softly.

Frankly the thought terrifies Adam. They've known each other eight months and have only been exclusive for six of them. That's not a long time even though he knows in his heart Sauli is the one.

"I know you're not ready," Sauli whispers before Adam can comment. "It's okay. I'm not going anywhere."

"This isn't going to be an issue with us, is it?" Adam kisses the top of Sauli's head.

Sauli squeezes him tight. "No baby. It won't be an issue. I'll just add it to my fantasy list."

Adam relaxes because he trusts that Sauli is being honest with him. "One day I'll make all your fantasies come true.

It's a promise he intends to keeps.

He just didn't expect it to take so long. Sixteen months to be precise.

 

* * *

Adam hates moving. He hates deciding what to keep and what to toss. At least he won't have to pack, outside of the more personal things he doesn't want the movers to handle.

Sauli's relegated him to their bedroom to go through their closet. Or Adam's closet as Sauli likes to call it. As he looks at the clothes and the shoes, he can see why Sauli's named it that. He's really glad their new bedroom will have two walk in closets instead of one.

A new house with Sauli. It took forever but they both finally found one they liked. Adam still gets giddy when he remembers how they sat at the conference table together and signed all the papers. It took a lot of convincing on Adam's part to get Sauli to agree to put his name on the deed. Sauli didn't feel right about it since Adam's money is paying for it. He thought it should be in Adam's name only.

But Adam doesn't want it to be his house. He wants it to be their house. When he said it like that, Sauli wound his arms around his neck, kissed him deeply, told him how much he loved him and only then did he give in.

It was the happiest day of his life. For now. He figures the day he marries him will surpass it but that's a little ways off. Sauli's repeatedly said he doesn't need a piece of paper tying them together but it's something Adam wants, desperately. He just hasn't confessed that little detail to Sauli. And Adam always gets what he wants. It's just a matter of time.

He pulls an old shoe box from the top shelf and looks inside. It doesn't take him long before he figures out it's Sauli's memory box. It's filled with pictures of Sauli, his family and Adam plus little notes and cards Adam's given him through the years. He really shouldn't look at it. It would be like reading his diary but Adam can't resist. He sits on the bench in the closet and pulls out the pictures.

So many taken through the years. Adam can almost tell when and where just by their hairstyles or clothes. The short period of time he went platinum blond. He's still not sure what he was thinking. He looks at the one of him during his Mohawk phase and sees the words "my beast" on the back. Sauli sure did love that look. One of Sauli with long, curly blond hair. He misses those curls. Adam loved the feel of them on his skin. Maybe he can convince him to grow it out again. Maybe for their anniversary.

Two years, he thinks as he thumbs through the box. Seems like just yesterday when they met. It's amazing how well and easily their relationship has progressed. Sauli's never had a jealous outburst, never believed any of the infidelity rumors - thank fucking God. He's the same fun-loving, happy guy Adam met that night so long ago.

He finds pictures of themselves from Bora Bora when their love was brand new and fresh. He looks at one picture of Sauli smiling at the camera and remembers it's because Adam had just said, "I love you" to him. He sighs deeply at the memories of what a beautiful trip that was.

Then he finds a picture of the both of them from last month at Alisan's launch party. They look as happy and in love as they did in the pictures from Bora Bora. Even after almost five years together, the touch of Sauli's lips on his ignites him just as quickly as it did in the beginning. He thought it would fade, and there are times it takes a little more work but more often than not, all Sauli has to do is look at him to turn him hard.

He looks at a group of small papers folded together. It's a list titled "Wish List". Most everything is checked off - Adam meeting his family, spending Christmas in Finland, watching Adam perform, buying a house. There's only two things still listed - getting married and something Sauli calls "ultimate commitment".

Why is getting married on the list when Sauli has said over and over again it's not something he needs? And what does "ultimate commitment" even mean? Wouldn't that be marriage? But then why are they listed individually?

He opens another piece of paper to find it's labeled "Fantasies". The bottom one is crossed off because they did that just last week. It ruined Adam's favorite jacket but it was worth it. He smiles as he reads through the list, wondering what the number one fantasy is, and positive they filled that one a long time ago. He frowns when he sees not only is it not marked off, it's the same thing as his number one wish - "ultimate commitment".

He places the two papers side by side. His fantasy and his biggest wish are the same thing. What is so important to him that it'd be listed first on both lists? And why hasn't Sauli mentioned it?

Adam wants to ask, but doing so admits he was invading his privacy, and that's not something he's ready to confess.

He scrambles to put everything back in the box when he hears Sauli calling him from downstairs.

"Be right there," he yells back, quickly placing the box back on the shelf.

He stares at it, trying to solve the riddle. When he heads downstairs a little while later, he still doesn't have an answer.

* * *

"Happy Anniversary Adam," Sauli says, holding his champagne flute up.

“Happy Anniversary to you too baby,” Adam replies, clinking their glasses together.

He studies Sauli over his glass as he takes a sip. His hairline is a little further back than when they met, and he has tiny creases on the corners of his eyes, but he’s still the most breath-taking man he’s ever met.

“You’re just as gorgeous today as the day we met,” Adam tells him and he watches Sauli smile, his cheeks turning a lovely shade of pink.

“I'm going to need a hair transplant when I'm forty,” Sauli says disgustedly.

Adam raises an eye at that. Sauli’s not one to have battles with self-image. That’s Adam’s role in this relationship.

“I’ve gained fifteen pounds since we met,” Adam shrugs to show he doesn’t care, that it isn’t important.

“You’re just as sexy today as the day we met,” Sauli replies smiling.

Adam laughs and grabs Sauli’s hand across the table.

“Can you believe we’ve made it this long?” Adam asks after the waitress leaves with their orders.

“If anyone asked me if I thought we would be here after I left that morning, I’d think they were insane.” Sauli says with a shake of his head.

“Our romance could be a movie script.”

“But even a movie script wouldn’t do it justice,” Sauli says softly and just like that Adam’s heart flips in his chest.

“I love you Sauli.” He says, maybe a little more forcefully than he intends because tonight of all nights, it’s important he understand how much he means to him. “Do you remember the first time I said that to you?”

“Like it was yesterday.” Sauli picks up their hands and kisses Adam’s knuckles.

“It was my birthday.”

“And we barely knew each other.”

“I was terrified it was going too fast.”

“I was afraid I wouldn’t get a job that would allow me to stay.”

“But you did.”

“And I'm still here.”

They gaze into each other’s eyes and whatever Sauli sees in Adams’ causes him to smile and hold Adam’s hand to his cheek. “I love you too.”

Dinner was a romantic trip down memory lane. They drive home holding hands, talking about their upcoming vacation. Sauli surprised him with the tickets to Bora Bora earlier in the day.

Now, they’re lying in bed, drawing out the pleasure when Adam whispers in Sauli’s ear,

“What do you want baby?”

He’ll give him anything he wants. A blowjob, handjob, rimming, bottoming, toys, ice, whipped cream (one of his favorites), anything his heart desires.

“Fuck me, please,” Sauli pants against his neck, his hand sliding over Adam’s chest and stomach before gripping him. "I need you inside me."

Adam turns and fumbles in the drawer for the lube. When he turns back around, Sauli's on his knees, his shoulders against the bed, and that gorgeous ass in the air, begging for Adam's attention.

"Jesus, baby," he mumbles.

He slips behind him and spreads him wide. "There you are," he whispers before he licks him. He only wants a little taste. So he sticks his tongue inside - groaning when Sauli moans.

He kisses him everywhere he can reach while his fingers open him. He's sure he's left a hickey on the top of his ass but he really doesn't care because Sauli's withering, begging him to fuck him already. It's only when Sauli's sliding back on his fingers that he leans over the bed to get a condom from the nightstand.

That's when he remembers they used the last one that morning and Adam never replaced them.

"Shit. No condoms. I'm gonna grab some from the bathroom." He places a kiss on Sauli's shoulder as he slips off the bed. "Be back in a jiffy."

There's none in the bathroom either so he runs downstairs to the garage. He knows for a fact there are some in the car.

"Bingo!" he yells and races back upstairs.

He figures he'll find Sauli stroking himself while he waits. It wouldn't be the first time they've had to go rummaging for a condom. Instead he finds Sauli on his stomach, his face buried in a pillow.

And he 's crying. Sauli's trying to be quiet about it but Adam knows he's crying and it rips a hole in his chest.

What happened in the time since he left? He was only gone a few minutes. He can't believe Sauli would be that upset about not having condoms handy.

There's something nagging him in the back of his mind but he can't put his finger on it. It's like a dream you can't quite remember when you wake up. .

"Sauli? Are you okay?" He tosses the packets on the bed and lies down next to him.

"Yeah. I just love you so much, you know?"

Adam rolls him over and runs his fingers through his hair.

"I know." He leans over and kisses him, tasting the tears on his lips. Another stab to his heart. "I love you too."

And that is when he sees a flash of something in those blue eyes before Sauli blinks it away. It's almost like he doesn't believe him. Or that he's questioning his love for him.

They were fine a few minutes ago before he left to get the condoms. Adam doesn't believe for a minute he's pissed that he forgot to restock. What the hell could be bothering him this much?

Then it hits him. A long forgotten, middle of the night conversation in a pool. The two words on the pieces of paper he found in the closet. Everything comes together and in the blink of an eye it becomes clear.

There are times Adam wonders how he could be so stupid to not see the signs that have always been there, if he only took the time to really look.

Unlike before there's no hesitation about whether or not to do it.

Because he wants to more than anything. He needs to give this to Sauli. And just as importantly, he needs to do this for himself.

He puts some lube on himself, then lifts Sauli's leg on his hip. He leans over and kisses him as his head rubs over his entrance.

"Is this okay?" he asks softly because this is too important to take without asking. Even if he knows what the answer will be.

Sauli looks at him, studying him, searching for something he must find because he gives Adam a brilliant smile and nods his head before whispering, "It's perfect."

"I really, really love you Sauli," he tells him as he pushes inside. He kisses him long and deep until Sauli's body gives up the resistance and Adam slides all the way inside.

He gasps when he feels Sauli's muscles contract around him. "You feel so damned good, baby."

Sauli wraps himself around Adam like a pretzel until Adam finally rolls them over. He wants to make this last. To stare into his lovers eyes until they come but the feelings are too intense and powerful. And he is never going to last more than a few strokes.

Sauli pulls Adam's head down and crushes their lips together. Between the sensation of Sauli's muscles surrounding him and his tongue wreaking havoc with his mouth, Adam loses control.

He slams into him hard, Sauli's grunts and the sound of Sauli's hand stroking himself fueling him on until he pulls him close, and thrusts one last time. He groans his release against Sauli's neck and closes his eyes. He feels Sauli's come hit his own chest and he bites his neck in response. He mumbles all kinds of lovey dovey words, things he won't remember in another minute. Their hearts pound in unison as they hold on to each other.

It takes more time than usual for him to come down from the high. And when he does, and he thinks about what they just did - what they shared together - he feels like weeping and screaming at the same time.

"Jesus," he whispers, wishing he could come up with something more elaborate to say, but his mind is jelly right now.

He starts to pull out but Sauli stops him with two words.

"Not yet."

So he sinks back in and leans on his elbows to look down at the face he loves more than anything.

"Happy?" he asks, wiping fresh tears from Sauli's eyes.

"Yes."

There's the smile that was missing when he first came back in the room. The one that reaches his eyes, and says how much Adam is loved. He thrusts a little bit, nothing more than a gentle reminder of what they did while they place tiny kisses on each others lips.

He thinks back to the other wish that has yet to be crossed off the list, and it's on the tip of his tongue to ask, but he'll wait because tonight was about this commitment.

There will be another night for that one.

 

(the end)


End file.
